There's A Hundred Things I Rather Not Hear You Say

Hate

2009-05-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

I can’t breathe.

It hurts, it hurts so much when I think of them, when I think of how they sound like, when I think of how they smell like, when I think of how they look like, god, I miss them so much. I miss them to the point it feels like my heart will break. I miss the lack of discrimination; I miss the pure sure assurance that they loved me, something I can hardly find now.

I’m tired of trying to deal with failed friendship in which I’m the only one putting any fucking effort at all. I’m so tired. I want them back. Maybe if I close my eyes my fantasies would all come true.

I hate them for not being with me anymore, I hate them for causing me so much pain, I hate them for not being there for me when I needed them the most. I hate them for causing me to be all contradictions, feeling like I would burst from loving them one moment and hating them the next. I miss them so much.

I don’t care if they hate me, I don’t care if they truly detest me for being so fucking greedy for something I can never get enough of, I don’t care if I’m being selfish because I want to be the selfish one for once.

I don’t want to give anymore. I don’t want to always be the fucking submissive in a relationship. I don’t want to be the only one giving and starving my heart out and then pushed around like a fucking tool. I don’t want to always be the one crying. I don’t want to love them anymore.

I want to give up on this miserable existence once and for all. Climb over me won’t you? That’s what everyone does anyway. Push me around, use me like I’m some fucking whore and then ditch me when you’re done with it.

I'm tired of trying to predict your moods, I'm tired of trying to guess what you're feeling. I'm tired of being the one you scream at when you have a lousy day. I'm tired of always being there but never truly there. I'm tired of these cat and mouse games. I’m tired of being tired.

Sometimes I wonder what will happen if I slip up and give in. Sometimes I wonder if anyone will fucking care anymore.

Memories

2009-02-26T01:08:00.000-08:00

Damn.

I've started them again. THEM. Why can't I get over them?!

Anyways, I told my Paramour about them (thank you so much love) and yeah, I feel so much better after spilling about it. Please honey, not a word to anyone. I don't want them to find... Out.

I went bloghunting not long ago and found Yu Ting's blog. -le gasp- You know what?! I never knew I could be blogged about! XD Eating lunch with Amanda and you were THE DAYS! XD "Eheheheh." And we could have nice discussions about Marilyn Manson. 8D Yu Ting, if you ever read this, you're a GREAT person to hang out with! XD

Paramour, thank you. You know what I mean. (: And for the banana. I left it in class (maybe it'll grow a banana tree!) but yeah, I don't think it'll rot in a period of one day right?

Anyways, spent the day doing practically nothing in class, trying to fight down them and my urge to sleep. XD Teach me never to run on a lack of sleep again! XD Had assembly sitting between Jun and Paramour and it was actually very fun despite the "interesting" topic of assembly. Too bad Sodium no longer has any chance because SHE HAS A KID! XD they would have fun clicking. Like what me and Jun concluded, the bio meet chem freak will go..

-bumps into each other and their handphones fall to the ground-
Sodium: I'm so sorry, here, your handpho- Wait, is that an algae table as your wallpaper?
Bio-freak: Oh my, is that a periodic table as yours?

(and chemistry reactions will take place in their hearts, with their brains being oxidised and GASP! Is it love?)

The moral of the story is: Freaks of a feather, flock together.

><><><>

Alice In Wonderland

2009-01-31T06:44:00.000-08:00

Foreword: Because I have no life.

And it's Riviea's fault. ~points dramatically~ Stupid gorgeous Alice Human Sacrifice is now stuck in my head. DAMN. But I love it. XD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTSdNx_CbW8

Vocaloids are now storming my mind, especially the one who's name is Gackpoid (just in case you can't guess the vocaloid is also known as Kamui Gackupo) and after you know who. I mean like it's pretty obvious from the name. XD SUPER OBVIOUS. And his voice is ultra recongniazable:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rFY2HTP1nA&feature=related This is brilliant. Even if Gackupo looks a bit... ~cough~ Too feminine for my tastes.

She sang and they came, innocent to their slaughter, like lambs to the abattoir, to the deadly caress of death.

They loved her and she made sure of it, their love fueling her hunger, fanning its flames so hot that it burned like a disease under her skin, sending shivers of lust through her.

Lust for their blood.

That was the fun part of it. Them loving her, and she loving back, even if it meant that she had to kill them to preserve her love. Because things change and she could not have them changing. No, her love might not stay the same if they did. If they changed, her love would change too.

She could not take that chance. For she promised them that her love will always stay the same and promises were meant to be kept.

This way, she'll love them forever.

This was true awe and true wonder.

She sang and they came, answering her questioning song.

Chesire Cat would have been proud of her smile, if he had not told her that nothing remains the same. How dare he, in the first place. He had no right to.

For her name was Alice and this was her wonderland.

She smiled and waited.

Moonlight

2008-12-07T02:48:00.000-08:00

If you're wondering about the title, it's tribute to Luminor, beloved vocalist (one of the two) and keyboardist of Cinema Bizarre, who left due to personal reason. (Although, it's still

I love him, because he's part of Cinema Bizarre, and it's so hard to accept a Cinema Bizarre without him. And I do understand why he needs to leave. But, it's still painful.

I'll keep you in my heart. You're one of the best keyboardist ever.

I'm going home~!

2008-11-30T01:32:00.001-08:00

Wednesday!!

Wednesday darlings!

I'm coming home!

God knows how much I miss you all. ><

Especially you Regina. I feel the pangs of being away from my twin who used to be just one sms away.

Love,
Perpetua

Still stuck

2008-11-28T20:19:00.000-08:00

The military airport is opened but guess what?

There's no flight home for me. None, zilch, period.

I want to go home.

Will the protestors just inch out of the way for foreigners to return?

I don't know when there'll be another flight free.
Save me.

I love the massages and the manicures but stuck here for more than I'm supposed to?

Just take me away from here. I want to go home.

I miss you all.

I just want to go home.

Stranded

2008-11-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yo.

I'm in Bangkok, stealing time on the computer whne my dad's taking his shower.

STRANDED. I'M STRANDED.

The airport's closed. And the protestors don't seem to be clearing anytime soon.

How am I going to go home?

Wake Up

2008-11-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

Was listening to - 37mm by AFI

Wrote this in the car, when I was missing my great grandma and wanting to write something dark about death and waking up. Great grandma, this is for you.

Love live Midnight Mirage. Will think up a tune for this as soon as one gets in my head.

Death and life, a million lies
You wouldn't understand unless you died a thousand times
No one can save you if you're dying in your head,
But surely I can help you if I ever found you dead.

Countless words, never said
There's something about finding you face down in my bed
Take my hand and let our trust we built up die
Only then can you begin to understand what it means to feel alive

Wake up, to find death as your one night stand lover
Wake up, if only you could have just one more day
Wake up, to find love's only made of porcelain powder
Wake up, if only God could have bothered to stay

A dozen burning suns died outside your window
The car's turning, watch it crash
Your hopes have gone, despair lingered too long
The star that burnt for you faded to rubbish trash

Let me go, I'll let you go
Grasp my hand, write my dying song in bold
There's nothing quite like counting bones alone
If you can't wake up, I'll keep on trying
If I can't wake up, please give up trying

I said I won't let you die,
But as you know, I always lie.

I'm sorry

2008-10-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

I miss her.

I miss her so bad, it feels like I'm going to break.

I miss inhaling her scent, I miss seeing her smile, I miss her making me feel like I'm the beautiful person that i'll never be.

I miss the gentle squeeze of her fingers.

I miss visting her on Saturday afternoons.

I miss the radiance of her laugh.

I miss her kiss on my hand.

I miss stroking her snow white hair.

I miss hearing her sing her favourite songs in dialect. I miss singing them with her.

I miss watching her clap her hands together when she felt plesantly surprised.

I miss the times when I was younger, where I would sit on her lap and thread her needles for her. She would use purple thread because it was my favourite colour in the past.

I miss watching the peaceful expression she wore when she slept.

I miss hearing her call me "Ah Wang's big daughter"

I miss her speaking to me in dialect.

I miss her telling me how much she loved me, how much she thought I was pretty.

I miss her feeding me cake from her fork.

I miss her bad. I miss her so much.

She'll never do any of those again. I lost her. She left us all behind, with tears and painfully bittersweet memories.

We lost her.

We lost a mother, a surrogate mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother, a joy, a friend, a mentor, a heart of the family.

She'll still sing, she'll still call our name.

It's just that we can no longer hear her.

I miss her so much.

I wished I told her I loved her more often. I wished that I went to visit her more often. I wish that I spoke with her more often.

But what will regrets do at this point of time? She's gone.

I can't bring her back.

I can't hear her voice again.

I can't see her again.

I can't be by her side again.

I'm trying to be strong, but how can you be that, when you know that you aren't strong in the first place.

I'm sorry for being such a total wreck when I was with her for the last time. I'm sorry that I couldn't see her off with a smile, but with tears instead. I'm sorry I never got the chance to say goodbye.

I'm sorry that I can't let her go.

I'm sorry I don't want to heal, I'm sorry I'm still in denial...

Why won't you turn back?
Why won't you wake up?

All I needed is one last day, one last chance, one last moment, one last sentence.

Why won't you wait for me to catch up?

I'll never get it.

I'm sorry.

And they'll all dance again

2008-10-07T04:35:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of misunderstanding going on, and the people involved are beginning to point fingers at one another. WHATEVER. I'm tired of trying to be the one to fix the mess you leave behind. You both wanna wring each others throats out, fine with me. Just do it somewhere where I CAN'T see you. I'm tired of you and i hate this hot and cold treatment. I hate being the last to know. I hate being the one left out. You go out behind my back, go out without me, it's all very fine and good, i can't stop your social life, but what i hate the most is that you say you're going out/meeting me and in the end, until the very last minute when I sms you about where you are, you start to give excuses. I'm not, a doll you sick person. I'm not something you play with and stick to when you're happy and dump the moment you're not. I hate being this hopeless person that waits like some idiot for you to call me. You can't expect to keep on waiting for your calls.

I hate you. period. I hate this side of you. I love you both so much that you can break my heart with every breath you take. But I hate you for always making me so weak. for pushing me down by simply being who you are. I hate you for making me feel like I'm never there.

Most of all, I hate myself for hanging on to your every word like it's the very oxygen I take.

One day, I'll regret posting this. but I'm so angry i can barely think.

If you're reading this now, I hope you know who you are.

Oxygen can, as my beloved Josephine tells me and reconfirmed by my beloved Bella, kill.

Shut up.

Emo away!

2008-08-16T02:31:00.000-07:00

Charmaine and Hui Jun says not to emo anymore. ><><

I shall try to sound happier.

XD anyways, I've started listening to chinese songs, (finally!) and to tell the truth, it is pretty good. SILVER ASH ROCKS! (Charmaine, I think you very slow leh... Diary of Jane was what I listened to at the BEGINNING OF THE YEAR!) Miyavi is making me go all high haha. His videosmakes me smile in knowing he is still him. Even if it was a long time ago.

But still he's just so childish and yeah... ~grins foolishly~ He just makes me happy, because he shows me that, even in the world of lights and sounds and with fame surrounding him like an aura, he's still him. Good, gorgeous, beautiful Miyavi. XD

Chinglish is now the craze!! So many people are laughing at it. >< I would, but I remembered how much I struggled with French (And how I am still struggling) and I think we should applaud the people who make an attempt to speak a foreign language!

Oh and SINGAPORE MANAGED TO GET INTO THE FINALS FOR TABLE TENNIS!! How awesome is that?! XD

Should I make this post long? I don't think i should. XDDDD

I want to watch Bill Kaulitz on repeat! XD

And Miyavi.

And Gackt.

And Uruha.

And Strify.

And Yu.

And... I don't know!! all the nice looking guys. ~grins~ Red Cliff makes me want to study Chinese History. I'm a ZHUGELIANG supporter!

XD

I love cookies!!

That was random. ><

Oh and I want to go back to Japan! I can camp Disneysea. It's so FUN!

I want to watch my darlings live!

I hate tests. ><>< I HATE THEM ALL! (geez, what a surprise! Let's fill in the blanks!) Okay, I don't really hate. But these peoples just put me off k?

I'll sign off. Here.

I didn't in the end. ><

Let's all jia you to play proper volleyball! Especially me. If not Charmaine will be angry.

Charmaine, I never knew your love life was so interesting! You can film like some drama series on it!! XD

Don't be mad!!

P.s. I love you. All. XD

Here's Spring Nicht by Tokio Hotel! Because they're one of the sweetest band in the world. And because i love Bill.

It's anti suicidal. I'll never have to worry about committing suicide. XD I'll just listen to this song, cry and realize there's more to life, like family and friends.

Once again

2008-07-25T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hi there people!! XD

I've started wandering into my previously unexplored regions of J-rock, where things start to get a little heavier and... yeah, I've loved my path so far. I mean, when I look back, I have my little blanket of comfort music that will never fail to light my heart, with beloved artists like Miyavi and Gackt, Ganeisha, LUNA SEA, the GazettE and so many others, but hey! I've got to learn to venture deeper into the mysterious and awesomely brilliant place called "visual kei".

So right now, girugamesh and Kaya are my new addition to my playlist and wow, their music is nice! XD There are more, but because these two artists are blasting in my ears right now, I'll make special mention to them.

You know I feel really happy right now. THAT incident has somewhat blown over and I find that I have somewhat matured from it all. Music, especially my beloved Miyavi has really played a big part in helping me get over it. Of course, there are my besties that helped nudge me along when I wanted to dig in my heels and not move. Amy, Josephine, Regina, Bella, Edward, Zoey, Charmaine, Hui Jun, Jenni, thank you so much. Family has played its role as well and my dad was one of the people that I ran to and he gave me comfort when I needed it most. I guess this reaffirms who are those that really stood for me when I was being a horrible person and still accepted this ugly head I have reared. Honestly, thank you so much.

Pierrot did play a part as well. I remembered what Colleen said. "Grab my guitar and forget it." It helped too. Thank you.

Oh and I finished my Chemistry test!! There's a Chinese one coming up and Haha. I haven't prepared for it yet. >< Whatever. No one can prepare for Chinese anyway.
And Chemistry! I see no point in studying. I mean like honestly, my boss isn't going to be asking me, "____, what is the electronic structure of element A?" and mark me wrong because I gave him/her the actual name of the element. I do hate myself at times. >< And sometimes, I feel that my teacher is just too soft. He seems to be murmuring all the times.

It's over and done with now. I guess I'll just work harder for the next one. YOSH!!

I honestly have no idea what else to say.

~Aithein

Twisted Reflection

2008-07-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

Yo.

Lots of things have happened frequently and something I thought was precious is now DEAD. I don't care anymore. It's useless pretending nothing happened and I'm sick of pretending. What went wrong, I have played a part, but the other party played too. Having jibes everyday and straight to my face is something that I'm sick of enduring. For once, imagine you were me and have someone constantly put you down with remarks like "You're so lousy." It's hurting and really unpleasant.

I have feelings. Just because I don't hurt you, doesn't mean that you can push me around. I have sensed that you were planning to dump me. All very well and good. You're alone now. Tell me if you're happy babe cause I sure am. Because I lost a superficial friend that stuck with me only because I lent that person things. I never wanted to overshadow you or make you feel second, but if you did, I'm sorry.

I'm not nice, and I never will be. Stop trying to make me someone I'm not.

That's all for now.

Hey babe, you know what? I'm glad you were my friend, because you reminded me once again that not all friendships were meant to be. Have a great time.

Cheers.

Reflection of Filth

2008-07-04T02:33:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted to music. XD damn proud of it.

Pierrot is now my one true love. I can't keep my eyes off him. He is just so sexy and gorgeous. XD
Thank you Dadda! Gosh, I swear Pierrot grows more and more beautiful everytime I look at him. My beloved, beloved guitar. Electric blue and the sheen is so WOW! And the sliding. I haven't experienced one that allowed me to glide so smooth until Pierrot came in.

Simin and Regina coming over to ogle him next Monday. Can't wait.

><>< Will take this as an motivation to work harder to score more MARKS!!!

I'm finally going back to AOR!!! XD Can't wait!! XDDDDDD I miss Athif AND LEARNING NEW STUFF ON THE GUITAR. Yeah. XD I'll admit it. I just want to see the look on their faces when I give them the gifts. >< I love giving stuff. I swear, at times I can be more excited about the birthday gift than the birthday girl herself.

Ah well, watching Chizuru right now. Love the way Uruha flicks his hair. Hehe. XD

Taion is one of the coolest vids ever made.

My dad asked me if i liked emo guys. I said, "Not really emo. More punk. Think Visual Kei." Then he asked, "Is it those Japanese Ah Guas?!" >< Then my sister said, "She likes German ones too!"

~sighs~ I don't get what they have again andrygonous guys. 'Sides, most of them tend to be AWESOME musicians.

My dad likes LUNA SEA. XD Never knew he knew them. Rosier is so NICE!!!

Miyavi is now on my sister's hate list. For the funniest thing ever. To quote her, "Why is he prettier than me?!" XD I think that was so CUTE. XD

I think Anna Tsuchiya Rose is cool! XD And NO WAY. Wonder why it took so long for her album to come to Singapore.

Japan was way too cool!! XD I had one of the best time there. XD And a few moments i will forever remember.

Ah well, I'll sign off here!! More next week! XD

Love,
~Aithein

Let's DebAtE!

2008-06-11T07:24:00.001-07:00

Honestly, now that I have started a blog…

I realized that there’s not much to say. Debate anyone?

A few foods for thought. (I’m not making sense… not trying to in anycase…)

1) What does it really mean to be good?

2) Can love exist without hate?

3) What is gratitude all about?

4) A God that is now here? Or no where? (><>

To the first question.

Does being good means that I have to be perfect? A perfect doll? Perfectly obedient? On the right side of law? Perfectly docile? Kind, sympathetic, polite, going with the flow?

Because if so, I think I’m everything a good girl is not. ><

Yeah. I AM on the right side of law. But.

I’m not docile. I bite. Not very often, but yeah, I do.

I’m not kind. I just do things back to people, what they have done to me… yeah… So.

Bite me. I bite back.

Gimme a smile, I’ll smile back.

Be nice to me. I’ll do my best not to bite you.

~rolls eyes~

That’s the way I am…

To the second question.

Someone sent me an email recently…(Ya know, those chain emails we love spamming one another with…) And it was something about evil being the absence of good.

Is hate the absence of love? I don’t know for a surety, but one thing I can say.

Both run equally strong. (Dualism, the presence of positivity and negativity blah blah blah…)

Who am I to act all sagey and stuff like that? ~rolls eyes~ Whatever…

Now, on to one of my favourite topics to debate about!

I suppose we’re all drilled to have this into our head. ><

Be grateful to your parents.

Be grateful to the person who teaches you the difference between right and wrong.

Be grateful to your teacher.

Be grateful to God.

Be grateful to the toilet cleaner that cleans the toilet so you have somewhere clean to do your business in.

And so on and so for.

BUT!

There’s a law that says a stone must fall to the earth.

Will the stone be grateful to the earth for catching it when it fell?

Or.

Will the earth be grateful to the stone for falling?

For me, I think that gratitude is due only to someone who goes out on one’s way to help you. For example, that nice person that holds the door for you. Or that nice person that picks up whatever you dropped for you.

Saying a word of “thanks” gets you a smile and 5 seconds of happiness in your life.

They say courtesy is dead around here. I beg to differ.

Ok… So sometimes I trip down the stairs and the rest of the school girls just walk past me, some even stepping on the stuff I drop. It’s not nice, and I am upset about it… (Who am I kidding? I trip over the stairs all the time…) But, it’s the rare moments where someone picks up your stuff, gives you a helping hand, even though he or she is a perfect stranger that makes life seem much brighter.

So yeah. Gratitude is about that. Some of us tend to be more expressive about our gratitude, some aren’t. (I held the lift door open so many times and what do I get?! Blank stares… Sure… very polite…)

And the last question!!

Actually, I only put the question there out of plain boredom..

I was thinking and pondering on the existence of God. Sometimes I doubt my faith and wonder if he truly exists.

If so, why is he turn a blind eye to the poverty-stricken, the downtrodden, the sufferers, the miserables, the corruption going on, the rigged lots, the poor old lady who can’t find her lost cat and is now in hysterics?!

It isn’t fair!!

Yeah, they’ll get something befitting them in heaven. That’s what everyone always say.

But heaven’s a long way when you’re dying of starvation.

So then it’s up to us to make a difference!

Maybe, just maybe, one of us might be the one to make a world a better place.

I’ll start looking for the old lady’s cat right after I post this.

Chocolatecest!!

2008-05-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

Twincest.

Yaoi.

Obsessive, compulsive, possesive love.

Name it, I've read it.

Speaking of yaoi, me and Regina dearie, have come up with a toned-down explaination for all you who do not know what it is.

Yaoi is like choclate. yummy, delish chocolate.

And how do we potray it? Like double layered chocolate!!

For example, you have a Kit Kat (milk-chocolate). And a Cadbury. (Dark chocolate) You want the Cadbury to be seme (on top) and Kit kat to be uke (at the bottom) So you write it like this.

Kitcad.

Well, if you want it to be the other way round, with Cadbury at the bottom, you'll wrote it like this.

Cadkit.

And now, if you want it fully equally balanced, you'll have it as,

KitCadKit.

Understand how it basically works? (I can see that grin on your face now Riviea.)

And now, not to confuse them up, while Slash means the same thing as good old yaoi, it's more for the... Branded chocolate.

Like Van Houlten and Royce.

Yeah, something like that. (If i so understand)

Well, Slash can be used for basically everything, from normal chocolates and strawberries to just strawberries to strawberries and strawberries, and our beloved chocolatecest. XD

Oh well... Now, back to my life.

Riv-chan, thank you for that present. :) The bag that is. ~winks~ you still owe me my drawing~!
I really enjoyed our meeting last thurs. it was so fun!! ~grins~ I'm Riviea's new lucky charm!!
Good luck for your IP interview!!! ~grins~ hahaha!! I loved watching the videos with you!! Yu're like one of the best persons to watch videos with! "KODA KUMI-STYLE!!!" XD

Remember to be an impatient person and a perfectionist!!

Oh and let's see.... I feel so bad for Jenni-chan... I thought my mun would send it for me, but she didn't... ~sighs~ I'M SO SORRY JENNI-CHAN!! >< I'll send the letter asap.

My maid screwed up again. Big time. Darn.

Hui Jun!! I really feel weird without you with me for project work. (Science experiment) i was like mourning all over the loss of the bloody thing when i started thinking, "Hui Jun wil give me some comfort."

And I completely forgot that she wasn't with me for that experiment... ~sobs~ HUI JUN I MISS YOU!!!

And Charmaine too!!
I missed the L twins... you know, for once, because of them, I actually miss school? And the rest of my friends... Its like I don't want to go back to school and I want to....

I got my hair cut. Finally. And I Love it. even if my mum thinks I look like I just crawled out from the TV like the Ring.

I won't crawl out of the tv, but I might crawl up from the bathtub. or the swimming pool.

~sighs~ Am i making sense? Because I don't feel like I am.

Bought myself two pairs of shoes and am so going to wear them. XD I love them, and my new bags. Mum bought me a beautifully stylish handbag from ClubMarc. (Honetsly, Ilove that brand.)

And Edward and Bella? I located that goth-lolita shop liao!! Its at Central! But the lady isn't there anymore. I wonder if I can find my way back there again....

~Aithein

Finally. (I hope you're happy now)

2008-05-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

Yo.

After so long, and finally after much pushing and prodding by some of my friends, I have finally decided to get off my butt and begin posting. (Peer pressure is scary)

Hmn… As to why I never blogged. I mean like, all of us have read about how people went through traumatic experiences with their blogs due to cyber bullying, and that has like… kinda put me off writing in a blog. So call me san gui (mountain tortoise) if you want, but I have never blogged. (Unless you count my account on fictionpress as blogging.)

Another point is that, posting a blog means that I’m responsible for whatever I write, and mayhap, I’m not ready for that responsibility. >< So I put it off, told my friends, another time and then conveniently forgot about blogging for a year, until they began “abusing me again”.

We drew lots, and then they voted, and in the end, I was made to promise to start a blog.

I keep my promises.

Call it too much of the Kushiel’s series, but after reading the whole thing, I have instilled in myself a sense of integrity. (Finally after so long.) The only thing I can do right now, is to tell myself, promises are meant to be kept. So I have no choice but to watch what I promise to. So when I promise I’ll get something done, no matter how I procrastinate, I have no choice but to see it done. And that also means that it’ll take very long before I promise to do something.

Never promise what you can’t keep.

To those that knew me when I was younger, I think I have matured. A bit, if anything else. It hasn’t exactly been very easy these past few months and my emotional balance was constantly on a roller-coaster ride. But I suppose, I’ve grown a bit stronger past these few years, enough to forget the scars made on me a few years back. No, never forget them, but at least, show them with pride.

No one ever knew, and I suppose no one ever suspected until I told them. I have been a victim of bullying. Ostracism. It hurt. It really did. To be turned away by what you once knew as friends, the pain is unbearable. Perhaps those’s why, right now, even if I hate that person, or dislike him/her, I try to include them in anyway possible.

The boys in my old primary school, you have no idea how much I treasure your friendships. When I was kicked out of the “female” peer circle, and had no one to turn to, you didn’t care about my gender, and allowed me to join you guys. For this, I’ll always remember. Thank you so much.

Right now, I’m trying my best to repay a kindness shown to me when I was younger.

To those who showed me kindness, I hope you're proud of me.
~A.R.